Impersonally Personal Introduction
Trying to describe yourself online without sounding braggy, impersonal or uninteresting is a task. At least from my perspective. It's hard to know what to share without sharing too much or too little because to capture someone's true nature you need to actually encounter them. Nonetheless, maybe we are just getting better at communicating digitally rather than personally. So, with that being said, where to start... My name is Brooke Holloway, I was born and raised in Dallas, Texas and am currently a senior studying Public Relations. I wasn't really raised to be a Sooner like a few of my classmates, and shortly after people find out I go to OU they question my loyalty to Texas. As if the two really have anything in common? I was as a raised a Longhorn fan, primarily for convenience, but ended up at the University of South Carolina my freshman year. I loved South Carolina and the people that made it a home, but no matter how settled I became I could not shake the feelin
Hey Brooke! I just read your story of Venus' Vanity and I absolutely love you focused on Venus and depicted her as a goddess of such beauty. I really love reading stories with moral or theme that I relate to and what I took away from this one is that you should never depend on someone else's perception of you to tell you how beautiful you are. If you were to revise this story, I think it would be cool if you added more details about Venus felt about Mars and Vulcan throughout the story because I think that they are the most prominent and interconnected characters in their story and their relationships get overshadowed by the two gods trying to stop Venus from attracting men. It would be awesome to see why Venus goes through the effort of trying to attract those men.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction did a great job at peaking my interest, we all grew up reading fairytales and hearing new versions of them is always interesting. However, I don't think it fully encapsulates what your project is really about, when reading the intro I expected to read a modern take on Little Red Riding Hood, Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and so on, especially because of the accompanying picture. I love how you modernized and really gave a comment on society through your second story, The Dangers of a Trendy Rumor, it made so much sense in our modern society and I think you really managed to fulfill the mission you stated in the introduction here.
ReplyDelete- Anna Margret
Hi Brooke!
ReplyDeleteI love that the header is consistent through the whole site. I think that really helps with a cohesive look. I liked Venus' Vanity. I remember reading that story for one of the reading assignments and I liked the twist you put on it. The small paragraphs really help with reading and taking in each part and not getting lost. The format of the story with the authors note and image is great!
On the dangers of a trendy rumor, the image is very large. I would see if you could maybe make it a little smaller? Or maybe move it to the bottom. I really like the image it is just a little distracting.
I like that you kept the short paragraphs on this story as well.
I like that you took a modern twist on the story. Especially with the now common gluten phase.
Great job on your site so far!
Hi Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your Venus's Vanity story and I really liked the direction you took with it and the changes you made from the original story. Basing it off of Venus made the story more interesting and gave some insight to Venus' character (which is very helpful for those that have read it or are going to read the original story). This also gave a good background to the story of Cupid and Psyche. I also really like how you wrote so descriptive. The way you described Venus in the first few sentences really allowed the readers to get a clear picture of how you wanted her to be portrayed.
I wonder what the story would’ve been like if you tied in Cupid and Psyche or if Venus hadn’t gained that confidence in the end? That would definitely make for another interesting story as well! Great job!
Hi again B (can I start calling you that irl?)! I just read your "The Dangers of a Trendy Rumor" story! Before I read that, I spent some time looking at your introduction page. I really liked it! It was short and sweet and made you want to continue on to your stories section. As for your story, at first I was a little confused because I thought you might have been doing this story based off of a popular princess story or fairytale. After I read your authors note, everything made sense. I like what you did with your version and how you made it so applicable and modern. It also had some humor in there as well, which is always such a great tool to engage your audiences. Overall, great job and I'll be seeing you in Dallas!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke!
ReplyDeleteI always love reading your comments on my blog and I'm glad that I checked out your project! I read "Venus's Vanity" and I really like the idea of a prequel to Cupid and Psyche. It was cool to see someone explore why she felt the need to break up her son and his lover, and insecurity is a great way to go. I think your story really mirrors the style of how original myths are written, a streamlined story with cause and effect, and a hint of motivation. I think that if you wanted to add to your story you could include a more detailed account of any of your characters emotions. When I try to add emotions or emotional motivation, I try to imagine how a character would explain themselves if I were writing in first person. You could add internal thoughts and emotion to Venus, Mars, or Vulcan and I think it would add another layer to your story. Of course, if you're going for a style that's closer to Ovid's, I think you totally nailed it. Great job!
Hi Brooke! I read your first story in your portfolio, Venus’ Vanity! I want to start by saying that I really like the title of this story. It makes your story very intriguing and exciting to read. Your story is very easy to follow and I never got confused reading it (yay!). Also, I really like the point you made with Venus’ character. It is not about someone’s external beauty, but rather, the beauty found within someone. I think a lot of people can learn a valuable lesson from reading your story! For a suggestion, I think it would be fun for you to add another thing for Venus to do to exploit her beauty. Or even have her two lovers not know about each other and then have a dramatic narrative where they find out about each other. Those are just some suggestions, but I do really enjoy your story as it is now! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi, Brooke! I really enjoyed looking at your portfolio and seeing all the things you have on there so far! I also love that you posted a picture of the Disney Princesses on your comment wall page! I really like the title of this story as it adds something to the story but it does not give away too much information. I agree with Melanie that your story is extremely easy to follow and it is very easy for readers to get from start to finish without getting confused. I was really able to gain a connection with your character, Venus, for her inner beauty being the main focus instead of her outer beauty. I think that we as readers tend to focus too much on the outer beauty of a character, so this was a very nice change of pace. I do think it would be nice for Venus to find another outlet so she can show her inner beauty. I also think that adding a background story for her two lovers would be a nice touch. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your post and I hope to read more from you as the class goes on! Have a great semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke!
ReplyDeleteI just read some of your project portfolio. I remember reading some of the stories throughout the course, so it was nice to go back and see them. I want to challenge you to write more though! You have a nice writing style and a great sense of creativity, so I'm sure you could come up with more to write. If you added some length onto your stories, I think you could make an even more captivating plot develop. Also just to go back and re-read a little bit of what you're posting. I think that you meant to say in the 7th paragraph that "Vulcan and Mars hatched a plan" but ended up writing "Venus and Mars hatched a plan" on accident. It's a lot of fancy names that start with the same letter so I can also understand the mix up! Also don't forget about citing images. I couldn't find the citation on your first image but when I selected it, I was taken to a different word press page. I'm not sure if that was your intention and if we have different citation styles or not, I just wanted to bring it up just in case! Overall your stories are funny, well written, and interesting.
Hi Brooke, I really enjoyed reading your story! I can definitely picture this type of situation in my head. It almost seems like I either hear about or see something like this every day. Which makes this story very relatable and personable to the reader. I think you did a great job of using descriptive words and imagery to help narrate the story. I also love how you tackled the rumor of the gluten-free diet. As a science major, it always bothers me when people blindly support something without doing any research—even basic research—on their own. Unfortunately, this happens all too often. In instances like this, I think education is key to overcoming these false facts. If you do decide to add this story to your portfolio, maybe you could include why a gluten-free diet doesn’t necessarily make you lose weight and why it is most beneficial to those with a gluten allergy. Your story could almost become a public health service announcement! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteHello Brooke! I really liked reading your story! It was very easy to visualize as I read it (which I love when reading a story!) I also think the way you write your stories with the spacing in-between makes it much easier to read than stories that are mostly one large paragraph. You also use a great amount of descriptions, especially in your story about Venus. The tale of Cupid and Psyche has been one of my favorites that I have read this semester so I love reading retellings of it. If I could make a suggestion I would recommend adding more to your stories. I think you could add more to them to make them a little longer and filled with detail! Good job!
ReplyDeleteBrooke,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you chose to retell Cupid and Psyche's story because I did a really similar thing with the story of Pygmalion, which is posted on my own portfolio. I retold the story from Venus's perspective, to get a more "third-person but involved" point of view on the story, so I think I can get into your mindset when I read this.
Your descriptive language in this story is fantastic and unending. Beautiful words paint beautiful pictures. It really felt like I could see exactly what you were describing in the story, especially your depiction of Venus. That's something I love to see in stories because I feel like a lot of newer-generation writers have lost that kind of sense for description.
The one thing I would mention is that I think your story branched away from the main story just a bit. If that's intentional then I think it's great as is. Otherwise, you may want to add a bit more detail from the original story itself, even if it means less focus on Venus. Nice story!
Hey Brooke, I think you have an excellent start to your Portfolio here. I like your concept of focusing on retelling children’s tales with a new perspective. I think you did an excellent job of this with your, “Dangers of a Trendy Rumor” story. The adaptation of a rumor to the spread of trend dieting through social media was a perfect modern day version of the classic theme that gossiping / spreading rumors is bad. I also liked your story about Venus, but it has less of a pronounced spin on it. The message for this story was good though, and it seems evident the story was built up around an idea you seem passionate about. I like how your formatting changes to match each story, but remains consistent at the same time. The consistent banner picture helps hold that consistency nicely allowing you to have free reign in formatting within the story. Overall great start!
ReplyDeleteHey Brooke! I just finished reading "The Dangers of a Trendy Rumor" and I loved it. After reading your story, I want to read the original one! I thought it was written in a fun way that modernized it and relates to the world we live in now. I thought you tied the story back into how some parts of our world operates today. Many people will do just about anything if they hear it from someone, even if there isn't any facts to back it up.I thought your story was light and easy to read, which is always enjoyable. I also thought that the picture that you uploaded pairs nicely with the story, and I liked how the picture was used at the beginning. Having the picture at the beginning allows the reader to create a visual picture in their mind on what the story might be like. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future! Overall, nice job!
ReplyDeleteHello Brooke!
ReplyDeleteYour story about the rumors was very relevant and unique. I found it especially interesting how you completely changed the story that you read, but held true to the morals and ethics behind it. So far in my stories I have been sticking with the original plot, characters, and issues. I think it is an incredible approach to make the stories more relevant to people today because that is what their purpose is. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey Brooke! I just read your story "The Dangers of a Trendy Rumor" and all I have to say is: RELATABLE. I think it would add a lot to your story if maybe you researched if there were some effects of not eating gluten and include in your story how those effects maybe impacted Cassie. If not physically, I know that cutting gluten out of your diet can impact you mentally if you restrict yourself from eating food that has gluten in it. Maybe you could highlight the impact that believing the gluten-free rumor made on Cassie's mental health. For example, you could maybe include how much she loved pumpkin spice lattes and what she would order at brunch everyday and then talk about how she couldn't have either of those things anymore because she was gluten-free. I think that I would probably add a scene where she went to brunch with her friends and she had to watch her friends eat delicious things like pancakes and waffles and she had to settle for a fruit bowl in misery
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI did enjoy your story about the classmates and the group project. I have seen similar scenarios go down in my own classes, but no one has ever had the guts to call out the other people like that. I went back and read the old story and read yours a second time, and there was one thing I noticed. It seems like, whether intentional or not, you skewed the perspective on the one person acting alone. In the original story, the camel was sold out and tricked into becoming the meal by the other three, whereas in your story, one person does end up doing all the hard work and she is the one who sells out the other three. It is fairly similar, but a little different in the respect that one person gets the raw deal in one version, where the majority get it in the other. I was wondering if this was your intention or not, and was thinking that it would be good if you included that in your author's note! Anyway, great story, and good luck with your future ones!
Hello Broke, I thought that your story based off of “The Crow, the Jackal, the Wolf, and the Camel,” was such a great story. Having a story about group projects and the problems that occur with people not doing their work is such a great idea. I felt like I really could relate to the story because I do a lot of group projects myself in school and I know how it feels when someone doesn’t do their part of the work. It was such a crazy ending when Margot called out her group in front of the entire class. The story itself, I thought was written out very well, the details that you put into it was really great and made the story come alive. Your portfolio also looks really good, all the pictures are great and really help give the story a good visual. Overall I thought it was great, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteYour "Group Project" story made me laugh because Margot reminds me so much of one of my daughters. She is exactly like that. Did none of them really help? She couldn't text or email any of them for even small pieces of work? Why is Julia so shocked if she knew she didn't help? I also loved your "Trendy Rumor" story because that sounds exactly how fads, diets, social media, and rumors work these days. People spread things they know nothing about, just to make it sound like they are keeping up with the trends, and they have no idea why they're even doing something. And people just follow along like sheep! Great storybook, I love it!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke! I like the layout of your website, it is very light and easy to navigate. I think it would be cool if you changed the cover photo for each of the stories. It would add something different and personal to each photo. I liked your story The Group Project. The image you used it funny and totally relatable, as is your story. I think you are doing a great job, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke,
ReplyDeleteI loved the stories I just read. I am going to focus on the second story you told for this comment. The story its self was fine when it came to grammar. Something that seemed to happen to me was that you kind of ended the story in a hurry. You introduced the sister of Cassie quickly and then end the story real fast. You could add more detail about the sister other than she looked up the facts for gluten then lived happily ever after while Cassie suffered with the new trend. You could make the story end where the Cassie’s sister tells her the facts and then must go and tell everyone she was lying and that they should no just do the diet because it is trendy making the ending happier and not seem so sudden. This would also have a lesson learned in the story. Otherwise the story was fine I am just picky about ending for stories. I am not trying to say your ending is bad. I just thought it was sudden.
Hi Brooke, I really enjoyed reading your story Venus’ Vanity. First off, I like how your portfolio website it set up. It is very clear and easy to use. I also think it is great how you include a description of Venus at the beginning of your story. This is especially useful for people unfamiliar with Venus and is even a great refresher for those who are familiar. I think your story is well written and easy to follow. I think you did a great job of accomplishing your goal for this story: adding elements of humility into your story. I also like how you were able to clearly explain why/how you chose your story’s title. The spaces between each paragraph make your story very easy to follow, but I almost wonder if there are too many spaces. Do you think this makes your story feel a little disjointed? Overall, I think you did a great job!
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